Henry

Hello! I now have another baby. I was getting too much sleep and not doing enough washing with just the one. My worry now is that when people see I have two babies, they will think I collect babies and will keep getting me them for my birthday/Xmas, like if you have more than one thing in your house with an owl on. Please, if you are thinking of getting me another baby, don't bother.

Is this thing on?

Anyway, this baby is 3 months old today. His favourite song is The Sun has got his Hat On but he also quite likes Police and Thieves and other relaxing reggae classics.

That's it really. How are you?

Frank

Hello! I have a baby. Having a baby takes ages, which is where I have been.

The baby is 5 months old today. He likes the words 'woof' and 'zip' and his favourite song is Skip to My Lou. He enjoys scratching things and wiggling around on the floor while I play the recorder.

I could go on, but I am really tired. Someone should have warned me about this.

football schmootball

I've got WORLD CUP FEVER! Not really, silly. Football is reaaaallllly boring and I shan't be watching any, not ever. But I knitted these footballers anyway:

And now they are on the telly! In this advert, right here. Woohoo! If Bruce Willis ever dies, Hollywood totally has me on standby to knit a replacement Die Hard.

ow me gums

I went to the dentist today. Upon entering the treatment room I discovered that my nice lady dentist had been mysteriously replaced by a hulking great Russian who promptly set about my mouth with a pick-headed axe before vigorously sanding down my teeth and gums with an orange flavoured paste of ground glass and hot gravel.

As I staggered to my feet to leave, blinking grit from my watering eyes, he turned to me and bellowed in a stern, monotone Russian accent:

"DON'T FORGET TO FLOSS"

Suddenly, the penny dropped. I looked directly into his glowing red eyes and nodded solemnly, communicating my acknowledgment of the grave responsibility that had been bestowed upon me. The room fell silent, save for the gentle creaking of his battered leather jacket. I left without a backwards glance.

My dentist is an unstoppable humanoid cyborg sent back through time to ensure my teeth remain intact at all costs. In the future, I will be required to eat something extremely important in order to save all humanity.

I hope it's cake.